You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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