glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
