i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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