you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
