how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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