Im at strip club and am horny
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
