Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
