im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
