Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
