A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
