people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
