I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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