She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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