you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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