the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
