oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
