dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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