i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
