kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
