So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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