I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
