i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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