Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
