Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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