so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
