omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
