Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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