***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
