I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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