I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
