she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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