I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
