There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
