Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
