I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
