2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
