She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
