Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
