i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
