the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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