And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize