If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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