He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
