I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
