The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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