I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
