"it" just moved
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
