where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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