Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
