you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
