Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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