It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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