and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
