That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize