It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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