So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
