I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
its liver damage thursday
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
