When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
